Worlds Largest Remote

Everything here is the God's honest truth. Nothing has been altered, not the photos, my sarcasm, my shock and awe, nor my sense of humor.

Here it is. The world's largest remote from the world's largest cable company. I know it looks like a novelty carnival prize, but the thing is for real. I put a Motorola Razr next to it in order to give it some sense of scale and included my hands which normally takes a large or extra large size gloves (that's right ladies).

This thing is meant for our more seasoned customers who find our regular sized remote too complicated. I'm almost afraid to give someone one for fear they would beat me to death with a tennis balled walker. This thing is so cartoony that it takes four, count them, four AA sized batteries to run. I'm a little surprised it doesn't have a kick starter.

Did someone do market research on this thing and find this is the product the, "Greatest Generation" really wants? As if the shear size isn't frightening enough and the possibility for electromagnetic fields causing some sort of brain cancer, the thing has a lanyard. Yes, that is right. You can strap it right to your wrist so you never ever lose it. Never mind the fact that if you did lay it down, you could locate where you left it using the sattelite feature on Google Maps (that and of course, the Great Wall of China).

Wow. Let me know what you think.

I think I had a vision

I think I had a vision last night. I don't know that it was as fancy as the movies like, "Thunderheart" might suggest, but I'm warming up to the idea - or at least my version of a vision, which I think is maybe really a vision.

I was inside a big pen with buffalo all around me. One large buffalo passed me and suddenly a shaman with a painted face appeared. The shaman asked which tribe I was from and grabbed my right hand. There was a polka doted ring on my ring finger and I stammered a reply of, "Cherokee". He replied, "That is good I was afraid you were going to say, Lakota." He looked at me again and said with a puzzled expression on his face, "You don't talk about your ancestry anymore, why?". I replied that it seemed everyone was a Native American after Dances with Wolves came out. He chucked.

Just then I had to move out of the way of a growing pool of urine one of the buffalo was leaving on the ground. Before I could talk to him again, he was gone and I was awake.

I am only 1/16th Native American. I never claim it as my ancestry. I think it is cool that I had a great, great grandmother named Pony Queen on my father's side, buy I'm an American Mutt. Who doesn't have mixed ancestory. I like to think that I have two great connections to great trails on both parents' side. My mother with the Mormon Trail and my father with the Trail of Tears. I also didn't realize until after I awoke and started thinking about it all that I wear my father's wedding ring on my right hand ring finger.

My favorite new device - iPod Touch

This is a truly revolutionary device. Bar none. It is the must have of media devices. Here is my breakdown and review:

Pros - Intuitive interface. Real internet usability. Good sound and good video. Nearly scratch proof screen. Stylish design.

Cons - Lack of an external keyboard. No third party application support. Cannot edit or add calendar appointments [this is much more frustrating than it sounds]

For a number of years I have been looking for one portable device that covers it all - something you can carry in a pocket, that wasn't a phone, that would carry your contacts, appointments, music video and most important would connect via WiFi with a real version of the internet and not some stripped down version that couldn't display a website like ebay or amazon in its full glory. The closest I have come until the iPod Touch, was the Sony Clie PEG-UX-50. It had a great design, snappy screen, good keyboard and could access internet via WiFi. It would not, however, give you a full internet experience.

The iPod Touch changed all that. Not only is its screen a marvel of magnificent brilliance and functionally - it can recognize your fingertips in screen navigation very, very well, but also mind-blowing scratch resistance. I have kept it in my pocket with metal keys, coins, all manner of material and the only part that scratched was the mirror-like finish of the back. Simply remarkable.

The internet navigation is great. I haven't found a site yet that won't display the same as my desktop. Moreover it allows you to keep a page and flip through other browsers, much the same way you can flip through music or contacts. The limit though, I have found is 8 browsers open [ which for me, is plenty ]. With this, I can navigate, say - Google maps and download the browser, then when needed I can access the fully loaded page - even without a WiFi connection.

What I miss most is the inability to edit or create calendar appointments. You can do it with contacts, but not appointments. This means I cannot get rid of my PDA completely yet as of today [10/2007], Apple has not updated this ability. Also discouraging is the lack of 3 party applications, which is a boon for Palm users. Whatever you needed your Palm device to do, you could bet that a developer made an application for it. The most missed for me is Splash I.D. which you could enter and encrypt your personal information - web logins, locker combos, social security numbers - whatever you wanted and keep it safe. Apple has created a web application that does this - but you need a WiFi connection in order to access it. If it were a simple application, I wouldn't need an internet connection and I think it would improve the devices usability.

Also I have found the keyboard a little disappointing. At times, it can be slow and not fully recognize my intended key strokes. I would have liked the option of adding a external keyboard - perhaps in the future.

Requiem for the Box Boy

I'm not that old, but somehow not only did I lose track of where the regular coffee flavored coffee went (thanks Dennis Leary) , I also lost track of the grocery bagger, the box boy.

I remember the days when the bag boy ruled. This were wizards of the Supermarket. With speed and precision, they would have 7 or 8 bags of groceries in bags and inside the shopping cart. Bread and eggs were always on top, and canned goods were always on the bottom. They had to quickly flash open the paper bags, they had no need for any of the metal contraptions that hold these environmentally friendly plastic bags. If offered, they would surely have refused them.

Enter the so called Modern Age. We can now send messages, data and pictures in an instant. Most of us carry cell phones which connect us to people news and information at a glance. We have a recoverable space craft that we can launch, recover and launch again. We have even send a remote control car to Mars (although we have not bridged the gap between a recording that can tell us that we don't need to dial, "1", but can't simply put the call through - but that is a rant for a different time).

I have two Safeways Supermarkets in my neighborhood, and it doesn't matter which one I go to it is always the same routine. I always get asked if I need help out to my car - never mind that I don't walk with a limp, didn't come in with a walker, just by looking at me, you would be able with complete certainty, to determine I needed no help moving my groceries from a cart to my automobile. I still get asked.

The one that gets me, is that I always end up bagging my groceries in order to speed things along. It seems that in line with corporate America, Safeway has determined that the checker can also bag, thus cutting that work team in half. The trouble with that philosophy is it doesn't work and since I'm really doing nothing during the checking process, I feel compelled to take up the slack and bag the groceries. Moreover, I see other people's groceries getting bagged by some youth, why am I different (besides being better looking ;)?

At the end of the day, I feel like my complaining is about expected service from a bygone era. For the average reader it must feel like listening to one of my Dad's stories about being fired while working at a service station (yes kids, gas stations once filled cars with gas AND fixed broken cars and left buying hot dogs for the ballpark). He was fired for not running out fast enough to assist a motorist who had pulled in.

The times have a-changed.

Long Live the Bag Boy!!!

To anyone who works Customer Service

This project started as a translator. It turns out I was pretty good at reading past the marginal grammar and spelling in order to figure out what a customer's e-mail said. It evolved into putting in my editorial in order to keep my sanity. The customer's comments are real, nothing was changed. In the world of spell checker it is hard to believe people actually spell this badly, but perhaps no one can find that elusive f3 key.

The comments in bold are mine. I think they are pretty funny. This was a job I worked where we sent video game rentals via the mail - similar to NetFlix. I have changed the name of the company in order to protect me from any legal silliness. The company is pretty big now, but in those days we would divide days into half the day taking phone calls, and the other half answering e-mail. The room in which we answered phones was about the size of the average college dorm room. We would often bump elbows with our co-workers.

I sincerely hope anyone who works customer service enjoys it.

“I did have no spray”

Customer is indicating that spray, with which to clean a game, was unavailable to him.

I WILL LIKE U TO CONTACT ANONGAMES.COM TO SEND ME MY REQEST

Customer indicates that his/her command of English is too poor for a phone call. His written command is apparently much improved thanks to his/her, “Learn English at Home” course.

YHANK YOU KIM, IT SEEMS THERE IS A LOT OF CONFUSION AT THE ANONGAMES.COM COMPANY ? WILL TRY FOR A NOTHER MONTH BEFORE I DECIDE IF THIS IS WORTH THE EFFORT?

My right shoe is on my left foot and we had no employee named Kim.

i'm DID NOT STAY WITH THE GAME!

should i contact the mail agency about this?

Customer is indicating that he did not keep this game and asking whether or not to contact the postal service since we apparently did not receive it.

i was wondering if you could send me a pakege that comes in with the pakege

Customer is requesting another mailer to be sent.

I am wondering if you have the postal code for Yugioh 2004

Is tracking information available for the game?

But will they charge us for the games

Customers will often have pronoun trouble. “They” often means, “You”. “We” , “it”, often refers to “Me”. Be always on alert for pronouns. Likewise for colloquialisms like, “Y’all” refers to “You” again.

i have sent freedom fighters back in the mail last weds i would apperciate it if you get it to e-mail me

Customer is indicating he would like to be credited for a game that was Kept Forced and which he returned.

I ORDER TWO GAMES R RACEING EVOLUTION AND BAUDLERS GATE 2 ONLY ONE HAS

BEEN SENT SO FAR BECAUSE THE FIRST TWO U SENT ME NEVER CAME BUT BAULDERS

GATE CAME AN R RACEING EVOLUTION NEVER HAS ARRIVED I JUSS WANTED TO LET

YOU KNOW THAT I GOT ONE GAME AND I AM WAITIN FOR THE SECOND ONE TO BE

SHIPED WHICH IS R RACEING EVOLUTION...

I received the replacement for Balder’s Gate and I am awaiting the replacement for R Racing Evolution.

I attempted to change the email i used to login and it told me that it was

already used in the system. what does that mean

I am often using my model glue in an enclosed space.

I'm concerned that that makes two games now that I've sent back that you

haven't received, and now you still don't show sky oddessey (sp?) as

returned, yet it's be almost a week. Should I notify the police, since

I'm mailing them from my mailbox? -jason

I have watched one too many episodes of CSI Miami.

Get a better

ad-comp, biatch. Netflix is werkin, buh anongames.com doggin lo, riy? AGRSIV!

Your commercials are not to my liking sir. I prefer NetFlix’s advertisements. Thank you for your consideration.

I need 2 new mail selves, because the mouse ate it, but the disc is OK. I have tried it 2 times, and the mouse got it. If you need anything, then e-mail me at ozarxx2003@yahoo.com. Thank you

I need two mailers as my (pet?) mouse mistook it for a “two-fer” Tuesday special.

ai pay 5.95 foor 4 weik and ai gat nateing i wont mi $ bak

I paid $5.95 for a 4 week membership and I got nothing. I would like a refund.

please send me video games to watch.

My game controller is broken.

Ok I'm going to send you another e-mail on your web site just incase. I

probably seem like totally weird but thats ok. If you didn't get the

other e-mail I sent you here is the story. Like 2 weeks ago I ordered a

game from a different company they sent me no e-mail stating they got my

order or anything I heard nothing from them. So I stopped writing to

them. I come online today buying the same game which is cool because you

send me an e-mail like pronto however. The people that I bought the same

game from well that game is like totally already in the mail. I'm not

totally flipped out because I have 2 of the same game and twice as much as

I wanted taken out of my bank account with is soooo not cool. I figured

it would be easier for you to cancel my order here. Please if you could I

really really need you too. My name is Amanda Evans I bought LifeLine for

the PS2 and my e-mail is amandxx@iland.net I would really be greatful its

totally not your service so don't get the wrong idea. I'll buy from you

again some other time I'm just taking the simplist rout at the moment.

Thanx a million (and if you got my other e-mail as well Thanx a

million......again.)

One word. Decaf. She’s also from Missouri.

ai am very sorry iodine have d 3- namer own d bak of d card you ask MI dat way i gate decline ken AI have d Tel number four order a gam

I seem to be unable to locate the 3-digit credit card id number. Is there a phone number available to order the games?

HI i still have the game True Crime:Sreets of LA but i cant find it.Please respond to this message and tell me what i can do. I dont realy want to pay for it if i cant find it.Sorry.

I also am house bound as my shoelaces are tied together.

Why is mi credidard bloket

Why is my account suspended?

2 monday ago for nba and lest tuesday for nhl and hitman contracts. This haping bfor

I returned NBA two ago and I didn’t get the next game in my Q. This happened to me once before.

From:

Subject: Forgot my Login/Password

Comments:

pls i need to have ur log of e-mail box so that i will udse it for myn

self ,

when u re free topromise us to have it as nice .

thank u for that l as wish it

thank u

ricky

Please provide the e-mail address attached to my account

Different terms for mailers:

Mailing back envelopes, sleeves, orange thingy, shipper, game case, send back slips, cd holders, pacake

Excerpt from one that was pretty funny:

First off, I am very enraged, because not everyone in this world has a

credit card, and it is a shame that this great Anongames.com company will only

subscribe you if you have a credit card. That is absolutely unfair.

I understand that it is a fast and easy way to pay for

whatever, but still, not everthing is supposed to be easy. It might be

good for people to go to the post office and buy a stamp to mail their

Anongames.com bill. Which brings me to my next point. Much of the world is

overweight, and the credit card doesn't help this at all,but if there was

a check to mail, the overweight people would be helping themselves buy

walking to the mailbox, and you would be helping them by making them go to

the mailbox and not letting them use the credit card option and just sit

around. I am not overweight, but I want to sign up for Anongames.com and do not

have a credit card. I have checks and money orders, but no credit cards.

I'm just trying to help you see that there is more business out there that

can't get to you, because of credit cards. And you could contribute even

more to society if you think about the overweight comments I made.

Look for the Richard Simmons’s, “Sweatin’ to the Mailbox” in stores now.

every time i mail some thing it alway say i still has it out but i don’t

I mail my game and the system still says I have the game out but I don’t, it is in the mail.

Why are you still sending me this I already returned it. Now this is my final notice saying this for I have to ugly here and say this I don't mean got me HOLLA

I believe you may have sent this delinquent notice in error as I have already returned my games. Also, Ja Rule is my cousin.

Hi I have been gone for 17 days to a psychiatric hospital and during that

time I have not received any of the games in my Q list. I am also missing

other mail as well and I 'm starting to think that someone stole from my

mailbox. Please help me solve this problem with the maximum extent because

I believe someone stole from my mailbox because my parents work from

10-6pm thus they are not able to check the mail box until late night.

Perhaps another personality is playing your games?

A reply from the same customer:

I was supposed to receive 2 DVD

movies from dvdaveue.com, 3 DVD movies from walmart.com, 3 games from

anongameco.com and 3 dvd movies from netflix.com and during the past 17 days

Again I need help because all the stolen mail add up about $300. I

am in the army reserve and I can't believe of what is going on in this

world that people steal from other mail box and from poor people. I

decided to use the key-lock mail box from home depot as soon as possible.

Please I need every help I can from you because this is very unfair

because of stolen mail. Please contact me asap. Thank you for your help.

It begs the question, How much entertainment does one mental patient need? Also please tell me you aren’t really in the Army Reserve. Please… so I can sleep at night.

Today 6/29/04 was the hardest phone call I ever had to take. The call was ordinary enough but at the beginning of the call I heard a toilet flush. The guy asked what the next 2 games would be coming and while I was accessing the information, I could hear his breathing start. Stop. Pant, breathe again. Stop. Catch breath. Stop.

A wave of realization crashed over me and I couldn’t get the guy off the phone soon enough. Bathroom time is ALONE time. Period. No exceptions. It was a terrible experience. I still feel like I need a shower.

IS tha the way you do business.
I am glad i stop doing business with you i,send back your stuppit game
7/02/04. Stop opening mentallity by treathing me,tha you will turn it to a
collection agency. THANK YOU! for your kind words. Do what ever i know
was send and i have proff.(your company stink

Hello, isn´t possible to see the pictures of the website, normal we knows

the games for the pictures.

When this problem will be fisnish.

Thanks

Andy

The video card on my system is broken.

Today is the 7th day and I still have not recieved the game. I'm not impatient about getting it. My only concern is that it may have been sent to another member and I may get charged for it. I know there was a mix up several months ago and you guys sent me a Brand New XBOX that I was charged for,(I don't even have an XBOX) that was intended for some guy in the Navy over in Italy. Please make sure this issue gets resolved. DO you have a tracking number on you rental Games to find Out where it went?

Thanks,

Sir, please be certain to open ALL the windows when you are painting a room.

1. I am e-mailn’ you ‘cause my address says my zip 49120 – that’ correct. Except at the end of it it says like 4555 er wonderin if something is up

Something is up, and it certainly isn’t your IQ points. This is your Zip +4

2. cust: I lost my mailers and canceled so I need to send my games back as quickly as possible so I don’t get charged for the games. Customer was then given our address.

Cust then called back: I tried to put my games in an envelope but they wouldn’t fit.

CS: If you get a larger envelope they will fit.

Cust: How do I do that?

CS: At an office supply store like Staples?

Cust: What is that?

V/M: My name is Snyder please return my call and let me know what you are about and how you can assist me, legally, 85x8.485.50xx. I have questions about malpractice and other questions

Game rentals and legal advice?

anongames.com I gary kennedy gave the post lady both games, I asked her did I need to send the game any special way she said no. I also call you and ask you the same question and you said no just give them to the post man so i did. their are two their when i gave thwem to the post lady. the lady next door, and the officer across the street was talking to me. thank you for everything..

I Gary Kennedy wear dark socks with sandals… and a helmet.

I tried to purchase a game and you site said my card was denied. I know I
am really me and I was just at the bank an hour ago and know for a fact
that my account has more than sufficient funds to cover my purchase.
Please assist me with this. I would really like to complete my purchase of
Legend of Zelda, Wind Waker for GameCube. Please help me with this.

Your word is good enough. We will ship it immediately.

From: Edward Collinson
Subject: Billing question
Comments:
It is a human rights violation to force people into a credit or visa or
other unions as your games do to advance onto the next level these are
child cames they are biult for childern check your humanrights

Built by Kids. Played by Kids. Anongames.com e-mails from the other side.

Subject: The game was damaged, scratched, or unplayable
Game: Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude (Xbox)

Comments:
Dirty Disc Error came up everytime the game began to load.

Huh, huh, you said, " load ".

On my way to work

I'm on my way to work this morning and just as I make the turn to enter the driveway to work, I see it. It is a old Caprice Classic - the kind you may find a detective from your random big city driving. I notice, almost immediately that the driver is wearing headphones and I wonder if that is legal. Then I notice it. The car is not in bad shape. It could use some paint, but the body is clean.

This car owner scoffed at the idea of spending money on a stereo. That's o.k. I was young once and have found myself in similar situations. What really clenches it for me is that the car is sitting on big rims. Perhaps 22 inches, large looming circles of chrome. I know that rims are not cheap. So this guy made the conscious decision to spend a few thousand on rims, and to forgo the what, $99 or cheaper on a stereo. What really struck me as particularly funny was that the headphones he was wearing were not the slim, wrap around headphones of a Walkman. Nor were they the discreet buds of an ipod. Oh, no, this cat was wearing the fully optimized kind that have a built-in radio. The kind that stick out about two inches on each side.

Then I saw the baby seat in the back and I said a silent prayer for the future.